"Last night I puked on someone at the club."

If I drank whenever you said something that stupid, I'd be puking a lot too.

At Least You Don't Have Cancer

You aren't annoying for the (few) things you do, but for the things you do not: you have nothing to say, ever. You have no ideas of your own, and to make up for it, you sycophantically adore anyone with an opinion. Spending time with you isn't exactly painful, it's just mind-numbing - like being alone, but a bit more annoying. It's easy to see how you might fit into a group, but it's a wonder that you have close friends.

At least you don't have cancer.

You've Had This Coming

Your good qualities outweigh your bad ones, Adherbal. But it's close.

You take more from conversation than you give, which is forgivable - my rapier wit needs to skewer something. One might expect, therefore, that you would have a skin proof against verbal thrusts, but you don't; you're actually rather touchy and thin-skinned. Even more surprisingly, you seek out such human interaction, even when you don't need anything or don't want to talk about anything in particular, and you do it all the time.

Maybe it's this self-destructive conversational behaviour that's the cause of your profound depression, in the manner binge-drinking depresses alcoholics. It's as good a guess as any, because you don't have any real problems in your life. Had you a will to be happy, undoubtedly you would manage. Lacking the willpower for that, or really for much of anything, you're in a tough spot. All the same, try to whine less, act more, and while you're at it, be less of a tool.

The Easiest Target

Camillus, you're more annoying than you realize, but the people around you know, and are too kind to mention it.

You whine too much: you have a most excellent life, and slight disappointments are just that - slight. You could be a fucking starving orphan in Rwanda, you bitch.

You're too concerned with appearances, and you fear the disapproval of others far too much.

There's really nothing that you are good at; being a generalist doesn't mean that you should suck at everything.

You're too confident in yourself, and your own ideas. Consider that if everyone else does something differently from you, that they just might have some reason for it - you have confused individuality with mindless rebellion.

Finally, unlike your namesake, it is unlikely that you will accomplish anything worthwhile. You seem to have lofty goals, but you also have the willpower of a dead fish. Seize the fucking day, et carpe omnia quae vultis.

Introspection

If you are honest with yourself, you already know your own flaws. If you think I'm writing about you, it's likely that I am. If this bothers you, feel free to let me know, and I'll have one more thing I don't like about you for next time.

On Pseudonyms

I will mostly be using names from classical history and myth, because I have some familiarity with that area, and because ancient names are better than modern ones in providing material for speculation.